The Writing Kind

Writers are kind. Let's go from that starting point. Yes, there is jealousy, pettiness and drama (and here, I'm only talking about myself) but there is so much kindness out there, it's a little staggering.

Writing is hard. It's not Stephen Hawking hard, but it is soul-baring hard. When you write (and send your little boat of words out into the world) you are pretty damn naked. You wrote it and now others will judge - whether it's crit partners, beta readers, agents, publishers or whomever. You write, others read - and reading equals judgement (it has to.) So it's a scary proposition to put your writing out there. What I've found in the last three years of being part of the online writing community writ large is that kindness is the watchword.

Writers read for each other. They blog about each other. They retweet and encourage and help with pitch contests and recommendations. Part of our work is in helping others know what we know, reaching a hand behind and pulling others up, saying this is what I did, maybe that helps you.

My writing friend Jenny Herrera sent me a Writing Kind. She didn't wait for me to get a book deal or wait for a book launch or anything seminal. She sent me a care package when I finished writing a book. A simple thing I did and a really kind thing she did.
here's what was in the package:

• a batch of popcorn-chocolate chip cookies that she baked (which my kids ate most of)
• a writing book that reminds me to never lose HOPE.
• note cards/bookplates
• a cool pin (with cartoon birds on it, which eldest stuck to her backpack)
• a CD she burned for me of some of her fav songs (and these have become some of my favs)
• a note basically saying that she was proud of me for finishing.

That's it. Simple, not too extravagant, but priceless in what it did for my spirit. 

I'm going to pay that forward to another writing friend. Someone who is fighting the good fight drafting her WIP and someone who has done a lot of good for other writers (myself included.) IT'S A SEKRIT! that's the point. 

So what I'm saying is this: 1) Find a writing friend who may need a little encouragement
2) Put together a care package that will make them feel the warm & fuzzies 3) send it to them now - don't wait until they 'achieve' something - they've already achieved a lot. Celebrate now. 

I'm calling this stealth act of baked goods & encouragement The Writing Kind. 
And I'm buying Jenny a gigantic three-umbrella drink when I see her this summer.

How have you been Writing Kind? And who's been Writing Kind to you?

Don't Plant Your Bad Days - They Grow into Weeks

I'm having a bad day. I could trace the origin to this bad day down several tangled roots: Being husbandless on my anniversary (not his fault, poor guy) Being stuck on my current revising project and the mounting pile of psychological gunk that goes along with that (more on this later.) Being drawn into a work project and a school volunteer project at the same time with the same force. Being unable to understand the way my 9 year olds mind work and being unable to help her when she doesn't understand herself either. But the origin, the twin rocks these bad day roots are wrapped around are doubt and her bastard child fear.

I don't have a manhattan job anymore, so I can't afford a manhattan therapist. But If I were sitting across from Ruth right now, plucking at the fringe on the throw pillow in my lap, here's what I'd say about Doubt:

I doubt that I'll ever get published.

I doubt that even if I do get published that it will be as good as the work of my peers.

I doubt there's a point to keeping this writing dream alive when I could be more productive, monetarily productive, doing something else.

I doubt that the time I spend in my fabricated worlds is worth the time I don't spend with my kids.

I doubt I have the stamina 

I doubt I have the moxie

I doubt I have the talent.

I doubt.

But a doubt is really only as strong as a whisper, as substantial as a shadow. I'm hoping to bring the doubts out into the antiseptic sunshine. By sharing my doubts with you, I'm hoping to throttle the little bastards, as well as my little bad days. As the great Tom Waits says:

Photo: www.rollingstone.com

“I used to have some little bad days, and I kept them in a little box. And one day, I threw them out into the yard. "Oh, it's just a couple little innocent bad days." Well, we had a big rain. I don't know what it was growing in but I think we used to put eggshells out there and coffee grounds, too. Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me. Choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothin'. They're your days. Choke 'em!”

Five Things Never to Say to a Writer

I am in the middle of a new/old project revise and am in the WEEEEEEDS. I'm a smidge exasperated and a heap exhilarated so I guess I'm in a good place. But my blog? Not so much. So, instead of insightful, academic-level spoutings (cuz, that's what you normally get, right?) I've got a list for you to distribute to your non-writing friends, family and neighbors. What NOT to say to a writer.

ONE
"You're still doing that writing thing?"
Variations: Weren't you doing some writing hobby? You're still on that jag? Oh, I thought you'd moved on to something more practical..."
Rudeness level: 3 slaps
Polite response:  "Yup, I just keep plugging away at it. Got to have dreams, right?"
Mean (realistic) response: You still have that crappy, drone-like job working for the soul-crushing corporate pigs? OR you can just blast Sonic Youth's Kool Thing in their faces - especially Kim Gordon's deadpan "Are You Gonna Liberate us Girls from Male White Corporate Oppression?"

TWO
"Oh, I want to write a book too. I have some notes scribbled on a napkin, can you look at it?"
Variations: "I wrote a book once. It was genius. No one understood it, it was so ahead of its time." "Everyone's writing books. It's like the easiest thing it the world, right? I mean, suburban housewives, fifteen year old girls. How hard can it be?"
Rudeness level: 1 slap
Polite Response: "I'd be happy to take a look at your book idea. I can send you some information on professional organizations that can get you started."
Mean (realistic) response: You do not want to write a book. You only think you do because you see authors on the TODAY show and you want to be on the TODAY show too. If you had any idea how hard it is to write and then how much harder it is to be published, you wouldn't be so damn cavalier. I mean, do you go up to Rocket Scientists and tell them that you could totally do their job if you had the right lab coat?

THREE
"So you're like the next (Suzanne Collins, Stephanie Meyer, James Patterson -fill in the blank)"
Variations: "Does your book have vampires?" "I don't really like books with fantasy/reality/zombies/people/pets/mermaids/buildings or words."
Rudeness level: 1 slap (2 if they compare you to someone while sneering.)
Polite Response: No, I won't be the next anyone. I'm just hoping to be the next 'me'
Mean (realistic) response: Comparing me to someone, even someone famous and successful just makes me feel like you think I'm a sham. Sure there are some writers who will just write whatever they think is popular to try to get published and showered with gold coins* - I am not one of them! I write because I have stories in me that would bust out Aliens-style if I didn't write them down.
(*BTW, I would not say no to gold coins. Especially chocolate ones.)

FOUR
"So, what's your book about?"
Variations: No variations. This says it all.
Rudeness level: 0 slaps, but man, I hate this question. When asked by people outside of the writing world, whatever you say will sound wrong. Even the elevator pitch you prepared for agent pitch fests will not be enough for this person. They will look at you blankly and say, "Oh. That sounds nice." and you will die a little inside
Response: *FLAIL* say you have to go to the bathroom. Escape.

FIVE
"You wrote a book? What's it called? Maybe I can pick it up at Barnes & Noble."
Variations: "Have I heard of you?" "I have a book club, maybe we can read it for book club."
Rudeness level: 1/2 a slap. This is not really even rude, it's just uncomfortable. Again, non-writers don't understand the wide river that must be crossed between writing a book and having it published. Some authors never make it, or they have to build their own little boat (the SS Self Publish) to ford the river.
Response: "No, not published yet. Working towards it. You know, the way the publishing industry works is really quite interesting. Let me elucidate using long, boring anecdotes and circuitous storytelling until you beg me to let you leave..."

BONUS RUDENESS!

"When are you going to get a real job?"
Variations: "How about a real job? Does your wife/husband mind you slacking off all day? Must be a  nice life having to do nothing but write all day."
Rudeness level: off the chart slaps, nija hands of speed slaps.
Response: There is no response that is adequate for this question. Break up with your boyfriend or hang up on your Aunt Mildred (or whoever the rude person saying this was.) Sometimes, rudeness is an incurable disease.

What do you wish people would stop asking you about your writing? What do you wish they WOULD ask?

How to Say Goodbye to your MS

You've hit send. You're done with the book (unless someone - your agent, a publisher, an editor, your mom comes to you with edits/revisions.) How do you move on to your next project? How do you stop obsessively thinking about the people and world you created - spent months or years shaping - to move on to the next project?

Every writer gets to this point, regardless of whether you are published or not. For whatever reason, more tinkering cannot be done on your baby. You need to let her go (SNIFF!)

Here are my tips for saying goodbye to your ms and moving on to your next Work In Progress.

1) Bask in the Glory That is You (I know this is grammatically awkward, but cut me some slack.)
You wrote a book. Regardless of what happens now, nothing and nobody can take that away from you. My excellent writer pal, Jenny Herrera sent me a care package, just because I finished a book. (Obviously, she is awesome and I will have to work hard to reach that level of awesome.) She sent me homemade cookies (choc chip w/ popcorn!!! go harass her for the recipe, it's amazing.) an inspiring writing book, oranges, a funny pin, book plates - just things that let me know she was proud of me. But she wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't told people that I'd finished FIND ME. So brag a little. Post your accomplishment on Facebook. Tweet about it. Call your friends. Let them throw some love on you. Then throw some love on yourself, too. Take this moment, before anything else can color your perception of yourself or your book to realize that YES. YOU WROTE A BOOK. That is something most people have never done, and will never do.

2) Take a Break (part 1)
The state of my housekeeping during the last weeks of revising was, shall we say, less than stellar. My hedges were overgrown, I forgot to send snacks in for my pre-schooler's school (the shame burns) and the lady at the Burger King was starting to call me by name. Everything took a backseat to the book. Now I can cook. I can plant my seedlings. I can work on my other (non-writing) projects. I can have clean underpants. The Villasante household is humming along again and I've even completed my taxes (4 days to spare, WOO HOO!) Take a few days to take care of non writing business. This will make you feel less frantic when you jump back into writing.

3) Take a Break (part 2)
You've been in your writing cave, working and re-working your ideas. If you are smart, you've also been reading the whole time -feeding the hopper of your mind with how other writers craft. All good. But now that you're not actively crafting, you need to step up your exposure to culture. Art. Writing. Music. History. News. Your kids art show in the gym. NATURE (especially now that the world is exploding in floral gorgeousness.) Nourish your writing soul with things that are not necessarily writing. I'm not saying don't read. But I am saying PLAY. All these things will feed your future writing.

4) Start Again - And Don't Panic
The first time I said goodbye to a book, I took the advice of starting a new project to heart. How do you stand the waiting (which is indeed, Tom Petty, the hardest part)? You start your next project, says everyone, ever. All well and good. But what they don't tell you is that you'll feel like you're two-timing your last ms. You'll feel the pull of the world you left on your new, fledgeling work. It's kind of unfair. You're last manuscript is gorgeous, polished and refined. You're new WIP is messy, kind of short and shallow. OF COURSE if you compare the two, you're going to prefer your last ms. You might not feel the same passion for your new project as you did for the one you just left. This is normal. I remember feeling quite depressed, when I started FIND ME almost a year ago, that it wasn't as good as my last book. I felt like it wasn't taking off, it didn't POP. It took me two solid months of writing FIND ME to feel like I'd found the story's groove. So: Don't give up on the new project too quickly. Don't compare it to the last project. Don't feel badly if you don't fall in love with it right away. Writing love will grow.

Snow White is Bad Ass

I don't usually write about movies because I usually only watch ankle-biter movies (The Croods, anyone?) I am still trying to watch a backlog of shows/movies on my dvr and please don't ask me if I've seen Girls or the new season of Game of Thrones because I haven't. I have no cable and I have no time.

But a tiny miracle happened last friday. I was in New York for work (paid, event planning work, not writing work) and I had a big gap of time between meetings. I decided to get wild and see a BIG GIRL movie. At an ART HOUSE theatre. When I went to undergrad in NYC, the Angelika Film Center used to be my second home (along with the even more obscure Anthology Film Archives.) I got myself a Jamba juice and a box of Junior Mints and sat down to watch the movie that fit into my schedule.

Thank the Film Gods, that movie was Blancanieves. A silent, black and white film set in Seville, Spain in the 1920's and based on the Snow White fairy tale - how much more art house can you get?

Oh man, I was in love from the first frame. I'm not big on proselytizing - you watch what you're interested in, I'll watch what I'm interested in. BUT YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE. (Didactic messaging over.)

I can't stop thinking about this movie. It's so beautiful smart and affecting. AND THERE ARE NO WORDS spoken in it. How did it manage to break my heart, hold my attention and make me besotted with NO WORDS? It's that good, I swear. Hunt down your your nearest arty movie house and trek to see this. It's worth traveling for. And the music? I didn't think I liked Flamenco music. So imagine my surprise when I spent twenty euros on Amazon Espana to buy the soundtrack.

With apologies to Kristen Stewart and Lilly Collins, Macarena Garcia is now the most stunning, badass Snow White ever. (And it doesn't hurt that, when I saw Macarena in this movie I thought - "Whoa, that's really close to what Mop (the MC in FIND ME) looks like.")




This trailer doesn't even do the movie justice. I promise, I'll stop gushing. Tomorrow.



Post Script
This is a movie. And the movie has bullfighting in it. I don't condone bullfighting (or cockfighting or bunnyfighting or any other situations when people make animals fight for profit.) but in the context of this film it makes sense. That is all.