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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Happiness is...

Pretty much overrated.

I'm taking my eight year old to DC this weekend, just girls. She's practically floating, giddy with anticipation. She talks about what she's packing, what she'll wear, what we'll see and how much of her saved money she should bring. She's anticipating her happiness and I have to clamp my mouth shut not to say "It's just one day, one night. It will be over in a blink."

Because for me, it's already Monday morning. I'm on to the next thing. I've always been this way, living in the future instead of the past or, as is extremely difficult, the present. I have trouble enjoying anything because I know how short lived it is. I think of it as disaster-preparedness. If I'm always anticipating the end, then I won't be disappointed.

The downside, of course is that by anticipating the end, by fast forwarding beyond the thing that might be fleeting or difficult, I've missed the bloody thing. 


I've been having dreams about my submissions. They're always weird (all my dreams are weird. I'm not able to have a dream where something surreal doesn't happen.) Sometimes they're rejections and sometimes they're requests for edits that are so ridiculous and impossible that it's worse than a rejection (or pass.) And all the time I'm churning, churning, trying to figure out how to triage the damage.

The thing that I'm missing by concentrating on what could be happening with my submissions (and what I have ABSOLUTELY NO control over) is the pretty damn good WIP I'm working on now. I showed it to my group and they were excited and hooked. They both said how much the writing has grown. This made me happy for about 10 seconds before thoughts (or dreams) of my submission process came in and made it rain.

Why is happiness so short lived? What do we expect to feel over our accomplishments? And why are we so quick to dismiss good feelings while lingering over bad ones? Easy to say human nature, but I think it's something else. I think we're conditioned to be fearful - at least I am.

There's a really interesting TED video on happiness by Dan Gilbert below. I think it's pretty savvy on how you could (but often don't) make your own happiness.


9 comments:

  1. Happiness is short lived because we don't want to be caught off guard when something bad happens. We're constantly preparing ourselves for the emotionally devastating bad news. If we just accepted that we can't avoid lousy things, that they are part of everyday like the sun rising and setting, we might be able to revel in the happiness. Mind you, it's a state of mind I've yet to attain.

    You should enjoy the happiness with the new WIP. It rocks my socks!! Keep going! I. MUST. Have. More.

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    1. You're so right. My daughter, who absolutely does live in the moment, has the opposite problem - she can't get beyond a small disappointment because she can't conceive of it being over - she's so in the moment that it's overwhelming. So I try to teach her that 'this too shall pass' but I worry that I'm overselling it - I don't want her to be like me! I want her balanced. OKAY maybe that's expecting too much. I want her not to need TOO much therapy as an adult ;)

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  2. Thank you, Alex. I needed this today. Enjoy your trip with your daughter. :)

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    1. Glad it helped in your search for happiness, Linda! We're having a wonderful time. I'm trying to learn from her how to enjoy the moment.

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  3. I'm the same way. I'm not sure if that makes you feel any better (ha!) but you are not alone in your difficulty enjoying the moment.

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    1. I'm hearing that a lot! It seems like there are a lot of over-active coping mechanisms out there! Having children helps me, I find because I think - look at them having the time of their lives in a muddy puddle. Emulate.

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  4. It takes a lot of discipline to live in the here and now. I've learned to get really tough with the part of my mind that's always dashing off into the future. A lasso helps. ^_^

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    1. A lasso, a grappling hook, sticky tape, I'd use them all! This is why meditation never works for me! I need to be tougher on myself too. This is one time where being more 'childlike' is a good thing!

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