Welcome to My Nightmare

I joined a rather exclusive club this week. I don't know if you are able to join, I'll have to check with management. I joined the Club of Unholy Anxiety (Writers Branch.) Sure, I already belong to the CUA, Parenting Branch, but I share that membership with my husband, so I can share the load.

The only requirement to belong to the CUA (WB) is to have submitted either a query or a request (or both) to an agent. If you are a writer and you have not put yourself out there to be rejected by a total stranger than, I'm sorry, you cannot gain admittance. If you HAVE done so and are not experiencing hot flashes, shortness of breath and/or nightmares, then I have a question for you: What are you on and where can I get some?

Ten days ago I emailed Kathleen Ortiz a partial she requested. That was exactly long enough to ferment serious, ridiculous anxiety because last night I dreamt that she sent me a rejection (almost said 'rejected me'; got to keep it in perspective.) The rejection was in the form of a Powerpoint Presentation. When I launched the presentation it looked like the screen on Minority Report, all techy with multi-layered levels of information on it. This rejection included, in depth, what was wrong with my first 100 pages, what was right with it, what books I should be reading (with a cool graphic of book covers).

In my dream I was frantically searching for a pen with which to write some of this awesome and terrible information down, because I knew that when the presentation ended, it would self-destruct. In the end I found one of those stubby golf pencils and tried to write with it on my hand (no paper around.) By the way, this is all taking place in the offices of Nancy Coffey Literary and agents are looking on in pity as I scramble. I finally start reading the feedback so I can write down some pearls of wisdom and, to my horror, realize I had sent her pages for the wrong book. Completely wrong, she doesn't even represent that kind of book. The book I sent her (which I have not written, but am considering it now) was non-fiction and about zebras.

When I told my husband about the dream this morning he said, "Ah. Here comes the anxiety train."
He should know, he's been on the train before. He published a non-fiction book on art/design in 2009. It's an awesome book (mostly for graphic designers and artists, but interesting for everyone, Sketchbook, by Timothy O'Donnell.) But he spent most of 2008 in a state of near constant panic because he'd sold the publisher on the proposal and now he had to deliver. He did deliver, just as I was delivering our littlest sprog, and he did a great job. But it took a long time to get him completely off the anxiety train. He's still an honorary member of CUA (WB) because he's working on another book project.

So, are you a member? If so, how do you battle the craziness? What's the weirdest manifestation it's taken?

I Did it; A Blog Award AND Rejection Widget?

I did it. I pushed the button. Sent the first 100 pages to an agent who requested them. It's my first submission ever. I feel like I've stepped off a ledge.

Also, I got a lovely blog award from Jen at Jen's Bookshelf. Thanks Jen! See below for blog award details.

And finally. Now that I have stepped off that ledge (opened the door, whatever image you want to use) I need a way to keep track of my rejections. Anyone know of a widget for this kind of thing? One that lists number of queries, requests, rejections received? A place to put medicinal gin&tonics/cookies (pick your poison) would be helpful too. I'm keeping track on Querytracker, but wanted something on the blog.

The goal of the award is to spotlight up and coming bloggers who currently have less than 200 followers. The rules of the award are:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
4. Have faith that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.
5. And most of all - have bloggity-blog fun!

So here's my list of five blogs that are uber cool:

1. Lisa over at Kicked, Cornered, Bitten and Chased - She's an awesome writer and there are cute animal pics on her site.

2. Bird's Eye View - Michelle gave the most detailed, line by line feedback during a recent query contest. She's on it!

3. Crit group bestie, Laura Campbell at Writing Unleashed.

4. The lovely and talented Jenna Cooper at Finding the Write Way

5. Bryce at the Bryce Daniels Preservation Society. He needs to be preserved. Probably in aspic.

Go forth, lad and lasses and have bloggity fun.

Being Stupid...On Purpose

So, I'm going to open myself up for criticism here. Some of  you guys might know that I've had a partial request (first 100 pages) for my book by an agent. Woot. I've been polishing and revising for three months since then and now, in the deadline I've created in my mind, I've got another month before I have to submit.

Why, when everyone, even the awesome and extremely published Jonathan Maberry, has told me not to submit until it's ready, am I going to risk it?

Well, one concrete and one ephemeral reason. And a caveat.

Caveat - The same way I believe I'm not short, I believe the book will be ready.

Concrete - the agent who requested my partial is closed to submissions until August 1st. On August 1st, the floodgates (again, in my imagination) will open and the slushpile will become slushier. I want to take advantage of being allowed to submit while she's on hiatus (a conference request).

Ephemeral - If I don't give myself a deadline - a real, on fire, deadline, I'll choke. I'll sputter and stop. I'll just sort of peter out. I am not one of those writers who feels they have to write or they will die. And I can easily see my life slipping into more practical, household concerns once my kids start school again. In fact, I'm afraid that will happen, unless I have that deadline.

So, I'm revising like a maniac. And I will (unless I change my mind, of course) be pushing the send button at the end of July.

Want to talk me out of it?

Oh, I'll be guest posting on Misha's Blog Sylmion on August 19th, so watch out for that.